Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen (Single-Disc Edition)
by Michael Bay
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DVD details
Actor: Megan Fox, Shia LabeoufDirector: Michael Bay
Brand: Transformers
DVD: Region Code 1
Audio: English (Unknown); English (Subtitled); French (Subtitled); Spanish (Subtitled); English (Original Language); French (Dubbed); Spanish (Dubbed)
Format: AC-3, Color, Dolby, Dubbed, DVD, NTSC, Subtitled, Widescreen
Picture Format: 2.35:1
Running Time: 149 minutes
DVD Release Date: 2009-10-20
Audience Rating: PG-13 (Parental Guidance Suggested)
Studio: DreamWorks
DVD Reviews of Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen (Single-Disc Edition)
DVD Review: Don't be sucking this sack.
Summary: 2 Stars
Bay, I want my goddamn brain cells back! Every once in a while a movie comes along that reminds me why we have terms like OMFG. This is one of those movies. Like Devastator, "Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen" is big and looks totally awesome. But also like Devastator in this film, pretty much all it does is SUCK! If you could sue an artist for making the world you live in a stupider place, Michael Bay would be so snowed under by lawsuits that he would never be able to work again. Millions of slack-jawed yokels would cry at the thought, but then they'd see something shiny and forget all about it. Cinema would be like a utopian wonderland of intelligent creative films that deliver both thrills and wit in equal portions and Hollywood would burn to the ground as actual artists got a chance to succeed and not be plowed under by the juggernaut of hacks with massive budgets who only know how to throw cliches and massive special effects at the audience and hope they're too busy staring at the hot lead actress's jiggling hotness as she runs from explosions in a low-cut top to care that they are essentially being told that they are imbeciles by the same people who are taking their money. Wouldn't that be nice?
Okay, Bayformers 2: Revenge of the Terrible Writers. I need some positivity after that rant. Let's talk about the good. Bay apparently took the criticisms of the first film to heart. I found Transformers to be as hugely entertaining as it was moronic and actually enjoyed a lot of the jokes, as juvenile as they were. It succeeded on a crowd-pleasing scale and I had a very good time watching it. But the action scenes were a bloody mess. Just random images of rolling, leaping, and tumbling robots that looked absolutely wonderful but you had no idea what the hell they were doing because the direction was so unbelievably inept. "Revenge of the Fallen" fixes this complaint admirably. The action scenes are epic and you can actually see what's going on with a lot of wide-angle shots and solid editing. No complaints with the action itself at all, really. The overall direction was pretty good as far as the fun stuff goes and it was killer to see Rampage. Bumblebee and Bestimus Mucho (or is it Optimus Prime?) were also very cool. There, I said something nice. Now brace yourself. The bad news is coming hard and fast.
Holy sonofawhattheHELL were those writers thinking?! I simply cannot believe that there is a single person on this planet that would read that script and say "yeah, that's definitely not the stupidest thing ever". If there is, then we deserve to be obliterated by a race of evil robots. "Mean robots suck!" That's what they came up with for the Autobots to yell at the Decepticons? Seriously? And what do they tell the humans, you ask? How about "Why don't you get a haircut with your b!+ch a*#!". Seriously. That's what they came up with. I want to line up every person from the guy who wrote that line to the director, producers, and everyone else right down to the voice actor who didn't say "no effing way am I going to say that retarded sh!+" and kick them each squaw in the nuts. And while I'm on topic, yes Mudflap and Skids are as bad as advertised. Worse even. Any claim that they aren't racist caricatures is pretty much squashed as when one admits in his transvestite Chris Tucker impersonation "Ummm...we don't read much" . Get it?! Because robots who behave like black people are supposed to are stupid and ignorant! Like black people! HAHAHAHA! That is so funny and clever! Do I mind racist humor? No, I seek it out. But it needs to be A) funny, B) satirical or ironic, C) aimed at adults who can understand B, and preferably D) all of the above. And this is without a doubt a kid's movie. A movie that damn near earns an R-Rating with near-constant profanity, I might add. Because it's 100% necessary to have a robot based on an 80's childrens cartoon designed to sell toys curse out "punka*# Decepticons". Ooh, edgy. And nothing could be more hilarious then watching dogs have sex. Multiple times. And then having a pint-sized robot hump the lead actress's leg in a similar manner. So funny. Maybe they'll do a live-action "Clifford: The Big Red Dog" film and have him rape Emily Elizabeth and call her a whore before rocking a giant canine Cleveland Steamer on her. That'd be totally boss, dude! High five!
Alrighty then, so Michael Bay and George Lucas have this bet going about who can utterly destroy our childhood icons more completely. Sorry, Lucas; it takes a special kind of talent to do something so completely moronic that it insults the intelligence of every single person who sees it. You at least, used to make great movies. To be fair, he did totally rip off your moronic droid humor and racial caricaturing, though. Bay has spent his entire career going out of his way to make film fans suffer. You're just outclassed. He's like the Andy Kaufman of filmmaking. He just wants to see if we're stupid enough to buy into this so he can get his own laughs. Even Lucas would never let Linkin Park score his film. Those guys were out of date before their second album even dropped. I'm putting money on Limp Bizkit for the next film. Don't laugh. Can I turn my brain off and enjoy the big dumb boominess of a film like this? Absolutely. But if a filmmaker is going to persistently kick me in the face with a slew of one-dimensional characters that each represents a single one-note joke repeated in every scene they are in and have them continue to build on each other until the entire film is a retarded symphony of extremely unfunny cliche then I'm not going to have a good time. I realize Bay wants us to share and appreciate his love of explosions, but making every frame where nothing is exploding a living hell to sit through can make a 2 1/2 hour film rather tedious. And I dare ANYBODY who is not an old-school superfan to name more then a few of the dozens of Transformers in this film. Or more then 5 human characters for that matter. 2 1/2 hours is a long, long time to have zero character development aside from a contest between the two charisma-free leads to see who will say "I love you" first. Guess what? I didn't care! I wanted them both to die. There's not a single human I didn't want to die, really. Kind of makes you wonder why they'd even bother.
So there you have it. "Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen" makes a great case for stupidest movie of the decade. There are stupider film out there, but this is the one that is not only stupid itself, but it proves how stupid we as a culture have become. That is a monumental cinema achievement. I gave it a chance since I enjoyed the first film, but my instinct to avoid paying to see it in the theater rang true. If you could take the fantastic action scenes and hire a real science fiction writer who is a fan of the old show, this could have been something really special. But it's so like Hollywood to spare no expense on the special effects and marketing and just hire some random idiots to bang out some half-baked adolescent garbage for a script. If we keep going to see this stuff, rest assured that they will keep it coming and continue to ignore anything of any actual quality. I gave this a shot and it bricked right off of the backboard. Now I'm taking my ball and I'm going home. No more Shia "world's biggest d-bag" Lebouf, no more robots that make obnoxious animal noises and fart and tinkle all over the place, no more sub-grade school humor, no more WTF's. I'm calling this whole thing off.
Description of Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen (Single-Disc Edition)
One of the most popular, thrill-packed, franchises of all time is back with even more action and more Autobots and Decepticons! In the highly anticipated Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen, Decepticon forces return to Earth on a mission to take Sam Witwicky (Shia LaBeouf) prisoner, after the young hero learns the truth about the ancient origins of the Transformers. Joining the mission to product humankind is Optimus Prime, who forms an alliance with international armies for a second epic battle.Pure. Popcorn. Entertainment. That's an exact classification of director Michael Bay's Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen. Think of Transformers 1 on crack. In other words, this sequel took all of the extreme elements that made fans love the first movie and increased them exponentially. The action is nonstop, with battles and explosions from start to finish. The camera (without any subtlety) exploits Megan Fox's hotness to the max. As if she weren't enough, a new sex kitten (Isabel Lucas) is thrown into the equation. Shia LaBeouf is as charismatic as ever, and fills the starring role with ease. And then there's the humor. Sam's parents (Kevin Dunn and Julie White)provided some semi-raunchy laugh-out-loud moments in the first movie, but now they take it to the next level. Sometimes it seems like they are trying a little too hard, but it is still hilarious.
As far as the ?plot? goes, the writers didn't waste much time--it's really just a context for the giant-robot death matches and dramatic slow-mo sequences. The movie kicks off two years later where the Autobots have formed an alliance with the U.S. government, creating an elite team led by Major Lennox (Josh Duhamel), in an effort to snuff out any remaining Decepticons that show up. The bad guys keep coming, and it turns out that a much more menacing force than Megatron is out there--and it is looking for something on Earth that is tied to the very origin of the Transformers race. Fans of the franchise will be delighted by the addition of many new robot characters (there are well over 40 in the sequel, versus only 13 in the first). The second Transformers has shaped up to be one of the worst reviewed and most successful movies of all time. This strange pairing is really just an indication that this movie has one purpose: to entertain. The creators didn't want to waste time bogging down the action and drama with substance--which was arguably a good decision. --Jordan Thompson
Stills from Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen (Click for larger image)
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