The Crocodile Hunter - Collision Course

The Crocodile Hunter - Collision Course
by John Stainton

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DVD Reviews of The Crocodile Hunter - Collision Course

DVD Review: Like the TV show, only more so.
Summary: 3 Stars

You know Steve Irwin. This is the Aussie naturalist who, as cable TV's popular Crocodile Hunter, rescues endangered critters like spitting cobras, gila monsters, monitor lizards - and of course man-eating crocodiles - from areas of human encroachment and relocates them to more appreciative settings. He has several famous shticks. My favorite is the one where he holds an extravagantly poisonous snake by the tail and cheerfully expounds on its weaponry while the creature struggles to make him a Dead Australian. Irwin's American wife, Terri, abets him in his environmentalist adventures - hauling him back into the boat when a croc tries to give him the "death roll", wielding the snake sack, and so on.

In Crocodile Hunter: Collision Course, the Irwins play themselves, which is probably a good choice. As wildlife relocators, they are called in to move a particularly large and predatory crocodile from a habitat shared by Queensland farmer Brozzie Drewett (Magda Szubanski, Mrs. Hoggett from Babe) who has been trying unsuccessfully to make a suitcase out of it. Meanwhile, unbeknownst to any of these people, the croc has swallowed up the hard disk from a downed U.S. intelligence satellite, and the CIA has dispatched some clownish operatives to get it back by any means necessary.

Ever since I started seeing promos for this movie, I wondered how the filmmakers were going to find a way to wrap the infotainment-style, straight-into-the-camera Crocodile Hunter format in a fictional, action-adventure storyline. As it turns out, they didn't. The storyline, such as it is, is just a gossamer-thin excuse to move Crocodile Hunter from cable to the Big Screen. The subplots concerning the CIA pinheads and the varmint-shooting widow, and the gonzo conservationist action involving the Croc Hunter, don't manage to intersect until near the denouement - and even then they barely nod at one another in passing. In the meantime, Steve and Terri bag an impressive catch of inappropriately located animals for resettlement, including a venomous spider, a baby kangaroo, and not one but two deadly snakes - just like on their television show.

So why should you pay seven or eight bucks to see on the big screen what you can see for free on Animal Planet? Well, I'm not at all sure you should. That doesn't mean that the movie isn't entertaining, though. Sure, the story, the script, and the acting are inconsequential. (Ms. Szubanski is really the only one who bothers much with line readings.) But Steve Irwin is a genuine phenomenon. It's not just that he nonchalantly pals around with deadly reptiles (though I'd like to see you try it); he brings such an infectious, giddy enthusiasm to the screen that it really energizes you. He gushes over "beautiful" monster crocodiles and melon-sized arachnids like they're Victoria's Secret models, and after a while he's got you thinking, "You know, that lizard really does have kind of nice eyes." Irwin passionately preaches conservation; but because he's such a nuclear meltdown of gleeful energy, the message doesn't come across as stuffy or smarmy. And when it comes to credibility, who're you going to believe, some Nature Conservancy stiff, or a guy in a bush suit who wrestles thousand pound reptiles for a living?

On the other hand, don't watch Crocodile Hunter (T.V. or movie) thinking it's going to be educational. Irwin's commentary is primarily a stream of lurid factoids or environmentalist generalizations - peppered by cogent observations from his wife like "This is really dangerous!" Still, I like the effect the movie had on my four-year-old. As we were walking to the car afterward, he volunteered, "When I grow up, I'm going to be a crocodile hunter!" By the time he grows to a more circumspect age, I don't imagine he'll really want to be choke-slamming anacondas (geez, I hope not). But maybe he'll hang onto some of that enthusiasm for nature, and occasionally venture from the air-conditioned confines of the living room or the mall to explore a world that - if Steve Irwin has anything to say about it - will still be verdant and wild.

Description of The Crocodile Hunter - Collision Course