The Care Bears Movie
by Arna Selznick
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DVD details
Actor: Eva Almos, Georgia Engel, Jackie Burroughs, Mickey Rooney, Sunny Besen ThrasherDirector: Arna Selznick
Brand: MGM (Video & DVD)
Producer: Carole MacGillvray
Producer: Clive A. Smith
Producer: Harvey Levin
Producer: Jack Chojnacki
Producer: John Bohach
Producer: Lenora Hume
Writer: Peter Sauder
DVD: Region Code 1
Audio: English (Unknown); English (Original Language)
Format: Animated, Closed-captioned, Color, DVD, NTSC
Picture Format: 1.33:1
Running Time: 77 minutes
DVD Release Date: 2002-08-06
Audience Rating: G (General Audience)
Studio: MGM (Video & DVD)
DVD Reviews of The Care Bears Movie
DVD Review: I have never seen lower depths
Summary: 1 Stars
I am actually watching this movie on cable television as I write this review. This movie is so mind-alteringly appalling, it feels like it has come through a portal from another dimension. It holds my attention like a car accident. I feel the need to warn any potential buyers of this movie, since the reviews seem to be compromised of people who were inoculated at an early age against the shoddiness, smarminess, and COMPLETE LACK of any subtlety, irony, talent, plot, or humor whatsoever.
The later mediocrity of the Care Bears movies, and TV show, had not yet been accomplished when this movie was made. This is, in essence, a ninety-minute commercial.
The animation is laughable at best. The characters blink simultaneously, and the vocal talents murmur, "Oh no!" and "Watch out!" when their mouths don't move onscreen. The movie itself has the air of an amateur theater project, as many of the lines seem improvised and drawn-out. Sometimes the animation is a few seconds behind the sound. I suspect it was dubbed after it was animated. It looks like a Tootsie Pop commercial.
But nitpicking over simple technical faults is nothing compared to the soulless, toneless, tuneless, shameless, namby-pamby movie itself. The songs are not songs. They are interludes of torture. The phrase "share your feelings" is repeated ad vomitum. The plot flies like a dead bird.
I say this not lightly: Barney is easier to watch.
This movie would probably have a cult following in colleges, especially after three AM. Around that time, it starts to look demonic. One is almost tempted to search for Satanic messages. Some of the characters' eyes are glassy and unfocused, and running takes place in laughably slow motion. It actually reminds me of the dreams one gets where one runs and runs, away from a horrible thing, and moves too slowly to escape. The only difference is that the horrible thing is running slowly, onscreen.
I have watched the second Care Bears movie, and it is in the safe, comforting realms of the so-so. I would watch the second one again. I would watch the first one, but only if I either wanted to write a psychology/film paper and needed some gory material, or wanted to cause someone undue psychological pain. There is a world of difference between the two.
Buy this movie for revenge. Buy it for curiosity. Buy it out of a sick sense of humor. It is truly-- TRULY-- the worst I have ever seen, and I have a five-year-old sister-- I have seen a lot. I mean, I LIKE most Disney movies.
But I implore you to consider your humanity.
Don't buy this for your children.
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