Tarzan & Jane

Tarzan & Jane
by Don MacKinnon, Lisa Schaffer, Steve Loter, Victor Cook

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DVD Reviews of Tarzan & Jane

DVD Review: THE ABSOLUTE WORST MOVIE EVER MADE, PERIOD.
Summary: 1 Stars

The animation and voice talent are HORRIBLE through and through. It is nothing more than three particularly bad Saturday morning cartoon episodes mashed together incoherently and labeled as a "sequel." This is by far THE WORST Disney sequel to date, and I cannot stress that enough! Please don't subject yourself to the torture by watching it, it will only sicken you. It's almost impossible to believe that the Disney studios who produced spectacular old movies like "Beauty & the Beast," "The Little Mermaid," "Aladdin," "Lady & the Tramp," and countless others could be the same Disney studios who sunk so low as to churn out this dull, soulless piece of garbage.

If, even after reading all this, you STILL make the mistake of buying it on DVD, be warned! Do NOT under any circumstances watch the Special Features. Mandy Moore's cornball claims to be "expressing herself as a character when she sings the song for a Disney movie," or some such fluffed-up nonsense about always wanting to be a Disney character will make you gag. Not only is the song she sings mortifyingly awful, it only plays softly in the background during the final scene: meaning she can hardly be heard. So much for dreaming of a role in a Disney film. She sure picked a winner to be in. (Note the sarcasm. If I actually meant this movie was a winner, I'd be checking myself into a mental hospital right now. I know good movies. This is not one of them.)

Sound too extreme a "bad review" for a kids' movie? Nah. Not to a 16-year-old who will love animation forever and ever. Why do they have to go and spoil it like this? Not as though the original "Tarzan" was anything great, either. Tarzan himself isn't exactly an endearing ape-man with his fake-looking hair and square-ish knuckles (a predecessor to the ridiculously angular ones found in "Atlantis," which was a good movie otherwise?). And as for Jane....well, let's put it this way. It BAFFLES me as to how anyone could like her. She is flattest & most pitiful (not to mention irritating) of the Disney women.

So there you have it, my opinion of "Tarzan & Jane." I'm telling you, I clearly don't recommend it. If I were you, I wouldn't buy it. But since I'm not you, I DID make the mistake of buying it. And now I'm telling you: You shouldn't buy it! Unless you really, really want to. But that would mean you like really, really bad movies.