Skyscraper
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DVD details
Actor: Anna Nicole Smith, Branimir Cikatiæ, Calvin Levels, Jonathan Fuller, Richard SteinmetzDVD: Region Code 1
Audio: English (Unknown); English (Original Language)
Format: Color, Dolby, DVD, Full Screen, NTSC
Picture Format: 1.33:1
Running Time: 96 minutes
DVD Release Date: 2003-07-22
Audience Rating: R (Restricted)
Studio: Madacy Records
DVD Reviews of Skyscraper
DVD Review: In My Most Terrifying Nightmares I Have Never Contemplated A Movie This Excruciating
Summary: 1 Stars
"Skyscraper" stars Anna Nicole Smith as Carrie Wisk, a helicopter pilot for "Heliscort," an air taxi service in Los Angeles. She is married to an LA cop and finds herself in the midst of a confusing plot complete with government conspiracy, terrorist ninjas, gun battles, a top secret briefcase in a dumpster, and an obligatory shower scene. The script is largely incoherent, but it's better than the acting. Her accent is beyond tolerable, and her countenance does not exactly lend plausibility to her casting as a pilot of one of the most notoriously difficult to fly machines on earth.
After a subplot about wanting to have a baby and her husband's fear of flying (apparently her boss just lets her take the helicopter home and use it for errands), her hubby, Gordon (Richard Steinmetz) gets dropped off at terrorist central, where he promptly asks one of the bad guys to cuff himself (I guess police procedures are a bit more laid back in LA). While Carrie whisks the bad guys from terror site to terror site obliviously, Dudley (Gary Imhoff), the worst security guard ever, realizes that a huge skyscraper is being taken over by terrorists and its occupants are hostages. The next half hour or so features lots of extremely bad accents, ridiculous stereotypes, and plotpoints that lead nowhere. Suddenly the least likeable character in the movie enters the distasteful melange on a Big Wheel. Who could it be? Why it's Billy Ray, played by Daniel Wayne Smith, Anna's late son and obvious kidnapping fodder, who is the only one able to escape the vicious terrorists while riding around the building going "vroom." Seriously. In real life both Anna and Daniel had tragic lives; in this film you will have no difficulty sensing their special relationship, as acting talent is evidently largely inherited.
Of course Gordon is the police officer assigned to the case, and after a disgusting flashback establishing that Carrie excels at marksmanship (Caution: the love theme from "Skyscraper" is far more odious than anything ever recorded by "Berlin"), Dudley and Carrie team up to retake the building. Dudley explains that the "Emergency Containment System" is activated, rendering the building incapable of letting anyone in or out, in violation of every building code on the planet. Despite this revelation (and lots of fretting from the building's architect, which pads the film immensely), the next shot is a cop walking in an open door.
Since everyone is sealed in the building, Carrie calls on her vast intellect and sets the building on fire, and agrees to give herself over to the terrorists. (Seriously.) This is when I learned two very interesting things: first, in LA a hook and ladder truck responds to a trashcan fire; and second, an abundance of Shakespearean quotes in a terrible movie only exacerbate the awfulness of the film, they do not raise the standard of dialogue. The terrorists don't seem to grasp that shooting the hook and ladder truck with a Rocket Propelled Grenade will attract police scrutiny, and reinforcements arrive in record numbers. Carrie and Gordon rendezvous in the basement, and it's Carrie who goes to rescue the hostages, not the trained police officer. You just know that the terrorists will eventually use hapless Billy Ray as leverage, drawing Carrie into a karate death match on the roof, and you would be right. I won't tell you how it ends, but I'm pretty certain you can guess (like you actually needed to watch this thing to know).
This movie is relentlessly cheap: in actuality only one helicopter appears onscreen playing all airborne roles (check the registration and very temporary "Police" decals if you don't believe me), and except for the scenes in Carrie's house (complete with Marilyn Monroe print) and the helicopter scenes, it's pretty much shot in an office tower, making the budget lower than low. If you are after a bad movie, this definitely fits the bill, but it's not remotely entertaining, even for camp value. Smith appears out of shape and not especially alert, and her acting (while not the worst in the film) is not so much funny as sad. This is a long, tough slog and I can't recommend it for any reason: even if you goal was to see Anna and her ample assets, this film is beyond the threshold of pain.
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