Shark Attack 2
by David Worth
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DVD details
Actor: Caroline Bruins, Dan Metcalfe, Danny Keogh, Nikita Ager, Thorsten KayeDirector: David Worth
Brand: Lions Gate
Producer: Avi Lerner
Producer: Brigid Olen
Producer: Danny Dimbort
Producer: Danny Lerner
Producer: David Varod
Writer: Scott Devine
Writer: William Hooke
DVD: Region Code 1
Audio: English (Unknown); English (Subtitled); French (Subtitled); Spanish (Subtitled); English (Original Language)
Format: Closed-captioned, Color, DVD, NTSC, Widescreen
Running Time: 98 minutes
DVD Release Date: 2001-02-13
Audience Rating: R (Restricted)
Studio: Lions Gate
DVD Reviews of Shark Attack 2
DVD Review: Delicious Feces!!
Summary: 3 Stars
Fans of terrible B style horror movies may officially commence with the rejoicing, because the cliche ridden crapfest with the incredibly inventive title "Shark Attack 2!" is in fact moderately entertaining! Make no mistake; this is a terrible movie on almost every level by nearly all standard conventions of what would define a good film. The important difference between this terrible horror movie and an equally inept attempt at filmmaking such as "Zombie 5" or "Witchcraft 10" is that this movie actually manages to be amusing, and it even occasionally manages to reach that all important goal on purpose. While it certainly won't be winning any awards or generating any buzz, this clone of a clone sequel can be quite entertaining, especially if served up with a liberal side of happy juice.
Each entry in the Shark Attack series is generally interchangeable with any other, as they all follow the same basic premise and have the same types of characters. For some reason some sort of genetically engineered mutant or even naturally gigantic sharks are unleashed on poor, unsuspecting aquatic enthusiasts such as beach goers and marine biologists. Some sort of evil businessman or politician will blame the mayhem and slaughter on the constantly chipper hero, who must stick it to the man by bringing the flesh hungry underwater terrors to justice, sushi style. This particular member of the ever growing Shark Attack family faithfully follows this same story structure, and even manages to obviously steal multiple storyline arcs from the original "Jaws" as well. The basic hook in this movie is that some diabolical doctor was genetically altering sharks to try to come up with a cure for cancer. When no cure was forthcoming and the sharks had been altered into water bound killing machines, the doctor released them into the deep blue sea to wreak havoc at their leisure, primarily at an upcoming surf competition which will be flooded with all kinds of delicious surfer sized snacks. These sharks aren't just hungry, they are completely homicidal, as they will mow through surfers and scuba divers like there's no tomorrow. Once they have sufficiently killed someone, they will leave the mostly intact corpse to rot in the sea and then immediately seek out yet another human to kill. Of course, a suave and debonair hero will be required to stop the fishy menace while tossing around witty one liners.
The beefcake hero this time around is played by Thorsten Kaye, who is doing his best to channel David Hasselhoff in Bay Watch. No matter how desperate or hopeless a situation becomes, Thorsten always has a humorous retort ready on his lips and a ludicrously large grin on his face. Even when imminent death is staring him in the face, this hero is incapable of feeling fear or showing any emotion besides a mild bemusement that anyone around him is feeling the slightest bit of panic. Starring opposite Thorsten as the unnecessary and unbelievable female romantic interest is Nikita Ager, who probably got sick of being turned down by adult film directors and decided to give B movies a shot. A painfully bad montage occurs about 3/4 of the way through the film to show how this star crossed couple's love comes into bloom that is guaranteed to elicit more guffaws than any summer blockbuster comedy. Any director looking to break into the comedy genre needs to study this montage carefully and take plenty of notes.
Unintentional hilarity of this nature abounds in Shark Attack 2. During one particularly nonsensical scene, a worker at the requisite SeaWorld type aquatic wonderland ties a rope around the chunk of meat he's about to feed to a captive great white shark. Does he secure the other end of the rope to something? Nope, he leaves it in a coil conveniently next to his foot so that he can be dragged into the tank and become fish chow. Even more humorously, despite the fact that their is a whole tour crowd full of witnesses to this terrible tragedy, no one bothers to try to help the nameless worker out of the tank until after he's already become lunch. Just like the audience will be, everyone gathered around the tank just stares with glazed over eyes as this imbecile is attacked by a shark in the most improbable manner ever. Although it teeters between amusing and annoying, the voice track is worth mentioning as it is out of sync with the actor's lips. For most of the film it's just off kilter enough to be noticeable, but during the surf competition massacre it gets worse than a dubbed version of an old Godzilla movie. A woman screams out to warn the surfers of their impending doom, and then the actresses lips start moving about ten seconds later. The production isn't completely terrible in every aspect, as someone made the very wise decision to hire on the talented Mark Morgan to produce the musical score. Fans of the computer role playing game Plancescape: Torment will recognize his music quickly, as he even re-uses one of the tracks from that game in this movie.
Not only is this movie entertaining, but it is also life changing. Director David Worth attempts to teach his audience several very important life lessons with Shark Attack 2. For example, many people probably don't know that not only do sharks roar like lions when they attack people, but they also have shotgun resistant hides. Apparently it's also possible to talk wirelessly underwater with full scuba gear on, all with no distortion or loss of sound quality! Of equal importance is the little known fact that it's easy to tell evil individuals from good ones, because evil people will always end a statement with the phrase "Now if you'll excuse me..." when they are trying to dodge a direct question. Undoubtedly the most important idea that Worth presents, and the central underlying theme of this movie, is that people with cancer should be exterminated so that mutant killer sharks will stop ruining surf competitions. Philosophers and sages alike will refer back to Worth's genius and masterful ideas for generations to come.
Shark Attack 2 is a big steaming pile of crap, and there's just simply no denying that fact. It is however, quite delicious crap, and it just gets tastier if you ditch the soda and popcorn and pull out the hard liquor.
Description of Shark Attack 2
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