Renegade
by Jan Kounen
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DVD details
Actor: Ernest Borgnine, Juliette Lewis, Michael Madsen, Temuera Morrison, Vincent CasselDirector: Jan Kounen
Brand: CASSEL,VINCENT
Writer: Jan Kounen
Writer: Alexandre Coquelle
Writer: Carlo De Boutiny
Writer: Cassidy Pope
Writer: Gérard Brach
Writer: Jean Giraud
Writer: Jean-Michel Charlier
DVD: Region Code 99
Audio: English (Unknown); English (Subtitled); French (Subtitled); Spanish (Subtitled); English (Original Language); French (Original Language); German (Original Language); Spanish (Original Language); French (Dubbed)
Format: AC-3, Closed-captioned, Color, Dolby, Dubbed, DVD, NTSC, Subtitled, Widescreen
Picture Format: Anamorphic Widescreen, 2.35:1
Running Time: 124 minutes
DVD Release Date: 2004-11-02
Audience Rating: R (Restricted)
Studio: Sony Pictures Home Entertainment
DVD Reviews of Renegade
DVD Review: indians love drugs and cowboys love indian drugs
Summary: 1 Stars
so anyways i got this movie and only paid like two-fitty for it and that doesn't suck much.... except now i wish i had spent that two-fitty on paying a homeless guy to punch me in the nose. i think that that would be more enjoyable. well this movie is about this guy named mike blueberry who is a cajun who moves out west to be roughed up by his cajun uncle, which is dumb because the name of the character in the comic was mike donovan and he was just a dumb, racist guy who changes his ways after being rescued by a black guy once. so anyways mike is all dying and stuff and starts remembering when he was a kid and was brought out to the wild, wild west to be raised by his cajun uncle. then he goes into town and there's this white guy rapping about the prostitutes at his place and he sees this one hot chick and he's all dreamin about her. and his uncle beats him up and makes him drive a fencepost into the ground or something and he gets really tired of that and he steals his uncle's money and goes to see the hot prostitute and it shows her boobs and they get all naked and stuff and then he tells her he wants to marry her or something gay and they are all playing under the covers and mr. blonde comes in and he's a cowboy and he gets mad at mike cause that hooker was his hooker and then mike gets all mad and takes mr blonde's gun and someone shoots and a lantern gets knocked over and the place catches on fire. and mike falls outta tha window and onto a horse and the horse takes him to see some indians. the indians patch him up cause he looks like he got shot somewhere, but they don't ever tell where but anyways he also broke his nose and the indian kid calls him broken nose... i know, i hated that kid too. it's cool cause he grows up to be jango fett later. so anyways mike grows up like an indian and learns to catch birds on his arms and stuff and he keeps seeing crazy injun magic smoke visions and stuff. they's mighty scary visions too with big ole bugs and things in em. so anyways it all of a sudden flashes forward like a buncha years and he's all growed up and he's suddenly a marshall and protects this really crappy town. but it's all goo cause that irish dude from star trek is his deputy and ernest borgnine in a wheelchair is the sheriff.... no i am not drunk. so anyways, that bald dude from any which way but loose is in here... you know the one with the bowed legs... yeah that guy. and his daughter is that julliette lewis chick... you ask me she's ugly as a manatee's butthole. but she's kinda got a nice body and stuff. trust me... i now know. anyways, you know who i'm talkin about; she's always acting like a retard in her movies and brad pitt dated her in kalifornia and woody harrelson did too in natural born killers. so anyways that bow-legged dude... hey... i think his name is lewis too... anyways, he's all itchin to go find the mysterious cities of gold just like esteban and tao on that nickelodeon cartoon. but the big deal is that the comanche indians protect that place on account of it's sacred and stuff. so you can't just walk up there cause they tend to take the tops of people's heads and stuff. so daddy bow legs sends this black dude and some german dude out to find the magic mountain and stuff but the german rats out the big black guy (dang dirty nazis!) and the indians give him a real close haircut. so the german escapes and cuts hisself and makes it look like the comanches did it out of their territory so that mike will have to step in and tell em to stay away from the nice, rich, white people. so mike goes to talk at the comanches and they pretty much pick a fight with him cause they seem to be real jerks, but mike is all tough and ... well... ok so he's really not all that tough... the comanches just kinda feel sorry for him and let him go. no one likes beating up an ugly kid. so he goes to see his old indian pal and it turns out that that guy is the guy who was jango fett in star wars. this is like the only movie i ever liked that guy in. so anyways they smoke some stuff and see snakes and things... again. and this indian chick had run into mr blonde's people and it turns out mr blonde somehow started looking for spiritual enlightenment and became a serious magic guy somewhere along the way... don't ask me.. i didn't write this thing. anyways mike doesn't knwo who it is so he goes back to town where he finds out that mr blonde is there and he goes all crazy and goes to get his gun he took from him all those years ago and when he comes back mr blonde's people beat the mud out of him and set his jail on fire. anyways mike's irish deputy who used to work on the enterprise stuffs him under the jailhouse just in the nick of time. then mr blonde's folks go kill daddy bow legs and take the german dude who can read the magic indian map to the secret golden magic mountain. i'm totally not drunk either. i swear. anyways julliet lewis gets all mad and she swears vengeance and gets all her mexican buddies to get on horses and chase mr blonde's people off into the land of the magic mountains.. and comanches. so the irish transporter operator from star trek takes mike to the indians to heal his soul and jango fett gives him some magic mushroom whiskey that makes him convulse and see some of the aliens from that computer generated final fantasy movie that sucked. yeah... they totally looked just like that. and then snakes come out of his mouth and i was really scared there for a minute because it got so weird that my mind jumped out of my body. so jango tells mike that he's now ready to go fight the big bad guy in the magic mountain. so he, mr obrien and jango all head out to chase down the bad guys. so mr blonde has like a day's jump on everyone, and juliete lewis is right behind and then like a day behind them is mike and the boys. somehow they all end up at the same place around the same time. anyways... in the desert mr blonde's crazy buddy rapes juliette lewis. i guess he wasn't interested in the horse... even if it was prettier. anyways she kills him and goes all crazy-like, so mike and the boys come up and jango gives her some magic tea and sings into his fist till her rapedness goes away and she's ok. TA-DA! anyways mr blonde and the german are the only two left after the comanches shoot at them and the german throws dynamite at them. i am completely sober... i swear. anyways the german turns on mr blond and uses his compass' tripod TO STAB A HORSE IN THE HEART!!!!! that german dude is billy badness. well... somehow mr blonde gets out from under his horse and manages to beat the german guy to the magic mountain and watches as he falls in some of the nastiest mud i have ever seen in my life. it really, really bothered me a lot. it had bubbles like that bubble-in-a-tube stuff that used to make kids sterile... you know the stuff. anyways mike and the boys get there and he finds out that you have to swim to the secret magic mountain super indian hideout. so he swims there and mr blonde is all pleasant with him and he has already had a glass full of this magic mushroom juice and he's all crazy loopy and talking to god and stuff and jango-- wait how did he get in here-- tells mike to drink the juice and battle mr blonde in the other world. so mike does and then there's like this 15 minute long segment where their brains fight each other and mike discovers that he was the one who shot the prostitute and juliette lewis comes in to the "secret" cave and helps him win the brain battle with mr blonde, who turns into a corpse when his bugs lose to mike brain snakes. then jango and mike are like "hey man we won, let's go on a magic ride around the universe" and they do. and we get to watch em do it. it almost put me to sleep 20 times. so then mike is ok and mr blonde is dead and the hero won and the movie is over... except is isn't. mike goes out and swims with a VERY naked julliette lewis who really, really, really needs to learn about the wonders of razors. i mean that in the most horrible way, of course. female pit hair is the nastiest thing on the earth. so for like five minutes we see a naked guy swimming after a naked chick. then it's the end.
i got nothing out of this adventure. well... jango fett was finally cool cause he had snakes coming out of his head... but really... anyone with snakes coming out of their heads is pretty cool in my book. so i basically learned that indians love drugs and cowboys love indian drugs.
and julliette lewis should never, ever, ever be allowed to get naked ever again.
Description of Renegade
In 1870's, a U.S. Marshall named Mike S. Blueberry becomes the sheriff of the town of Palomito where a number of shady figures including the man who killed his girlfriend, and a German Baron search for gold.Genre: Westerns
Rating: R
Release Date: 7-JUN-2005
Media Type: DVD
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