Illegal Aliens
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Actor: Anna Nicole Smith, Gladys Jimenez, Joanie Laurer, Kevin McGuire, Lenise SorénBrand: MTI
DVD: Region Code 1
Audio: Spanish (Subtitled); English (Original Language)
Format: Color, DVD, Full Screen, NTSC, Subtitled
Picture Format: 1.33:1
Running Time: 96 minutes
DVD Release Date: 2007-05-01
Audience Rating: R (Restricted)
Studio: Mti Home Video
DVD Reviews of Illegal Aliens
DVD Review: "We Lay Down On A Pile Of Organic Minerals, Excrete Slime, And Absorb Them."
Summary: 1 Stars
My title is the answer one of the "Illegal Aliens" gives when asked how they eat on her native planet. Unfortunately for the audience, it is probably the wittiest line in this abysmal film. I purposely chose the title because "excrete" and "excremental" come from the same root. Once you see the film, you will fully understand.
This was Anna Nicole Smith's last film, and it is sad that its posthumous release is part of her legacy. At the outset I should say that while I like comedy and I like campy B-movies, this film is not so bad it's good; it's so bad it's...well, really, really bad. Perhaps Anna Nicole fans will enjoy it, but others should not underestimate the painful punch this film packs.
The Illegal Aliens are earth's last line of defense against Rex, an extraterrestrial squid who psychically commandeers wrestling star Chyna (Joanie Laurer), a mobster's wife, and most offensive overactor in history. Chyna makes William Shatner look like Sir John Gielgud in comparison. Rex covets a "Mega-Gravitron" with which she wants to draw the moon into the earth, causing a collision. There are many spoofs of other films and television shows (please note especially the homage to James Doohan, "Star Trek's" Scotty in the "Jeffries Tube" scene) as well as occasionally amusing original ideas ("The old fork in the microwave trick. I should have known.")
Unfortunately, the film features enormous quantities of flatulence and bathroom jokes (in the commentary the director and crew are very pleased with Anna Nicole's extended bathroom break, the bleakest scene in this sulfurous wilderness). I was not fond of the "behind the scenes" bits in which the director and crew were revealed a couple of times. I likewise never needed to hear David Giancola say "Get those cheeks tight....Give me a nice squeaker, Anna." In contrast to that, I did actually find the "Super Villain Monologue Timer" to be a funny (and appropriate) gag.
Due to her shape-shifting talents and her submission to a "mind control suppository," Anna Nicole becomes the "Colliding Synchrotron" in the "Mega-Gravitron." With this device (which is far more hokey than the ray gun in "The Pink Panther Strikes Again," or even "The Tick") Rex pulls the moon to earth before unleashing a war between helicopters and giant computer generated spiders ("We're shutting this web site down!") Obviously this all ends in the cat fight of justice and a series of explosions.
The film seeks to be the a combination of "Airplane" and "Charlie's Angels," but sadly it can't touch either of those film and is unsuccessful in either genre. The DVD has lots of extras including a "Making of Illegal Aliens" feature, a set of deleted scenes hosted by director David Giancola, as well as a commentary track and previews of other movies.
I found this film challenging to get through: the script, stale gags, acting, and that high-pitched grating little girl voice Anna Nicole uses throughout make this a thoroughly disagreeable experience.
Description of Illegal Aliens
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