G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra
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DVD details
Actor: Channing TatumBrand: G.I. Joe
DVD: Region Code 1
Audio: English (Unknown); English (Subtitled); French (Subtitled); Spanish (Subtitled); English (Original Language); French (Dubbed); Spanish (Dubbed)
Format: AC-3, Color, Dolby, Dubbed, DVD, NTSC, Subtitled, Widescreen
Running Time: 117 minutes
DVD Release Date: 2009-11-03
Audience Rating: PG-13 (Parental Guidance Suggested)
Studio: Paramount
DVD Reviews of G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra
DVD Review: ...rise of Cobra, collapse of franchise? Probably not...
Summary: 3 Stars
This movie takes whatever fond childhood memory I've had of G.I. Joe and gives it a mean hurtful wedgie. I went to see this one months ago and, based on that crapalicious trailer (ya know, the one with the armored suits), I wasn't expecting to be overwhelmed. Or even whelmed. This movie doesn't aim too high, and so it hits its target audience. G.I. JOE: THE RISE OF COBRA is what it is - a big budget summertime popcorn flick in which the big dogs figured that as long as it's slick and peopled with cool and beautiful actors and chock full of dazzling and eardrum-shattering effects, then that'll do for the sheep. The critics showered it with hate. And, sheepishly, I wasn't as turned off as I maybe should've been. I'm giving it a generous 3 stars out of 5, thanks to the inner kid in me which may be not cool with what's been done here but, on the other hand, is just grateful that G.I. Joe finally made it to the big screen as a live action picture.
Odds are, any movie featuring a Wayans brother instantly surrenders busloads of credibility. This one lost a few more points with me once Marlon Wayons started mugging for the camera. I give the writers credit for trying to come up with a story from the ground level up, this by having Duke and Ripcord introduced as fresh recruits to this elite military team. This gives us two point-of-view characters to identify with. There's a lot of stuff going on. The movie depends on the audiences' childhood familiarity with the characters to pull them thru all the hectic.
The plot is big and bloated, the dialogue is dumbed down, the action sequences a showcase for big budget excesses. What's missing is heart and, okay, a solid script and enough actors who can sell the storyline. It's a bit damning that, for me, the two most absorbing characters happen to be the black ninja with the vow of silence and the vampy bespectacled villainess. I guess, for the lead, they tried to find a stud who was hip and smoove and relatable, and Tatum Channing must've fit the bill. But I feel that he was miscast as Duke, that he lacks the necessary acting chops and that sense of solidity and resolve, despite all claims from his buddy Wayans that "Duke wasn't born, he was government-issued." Tatum Channing sleepwalks thru this one, and one wonders what Sam Worthington would've done with this role (it was offered to Worthington but dude had to do AVATAR). And, as for Marlon Wayans, well, there he is, standing there just being a Wayans. We really could've done with more of Dennis Quaid's General Hawk. Good thing, then, that the guy is signed on for two sequels.
The story is set somewhen "in the not too distant future," which then allows for some pretty impressive future tech from both the good guys and the bad. The Joes, for example, flaunt a coat enabling extreme camouflage and clunky one-man armors called Delta 6 Accelerator Suits (the unconvincing demonstration of which seriously cheesed me off). The McGuffin of the movie are frightfully corrosive nanomites which can dissolve metal in mere moments. This frightening weapon is what one formidable terrorist organization holds over the free world. Unless General Hawk's special unit can save the day. And, even then, the bad guys are tricky enough and far-thinking enough that Duke and company can't possibly foil each of their contingency plans. So, sequel, anyone?
Some credit goes to the movie for trying to add detail to its characters' backstories. Same credit is then snatched away for the numbing and excessive flashbacks. There's too much dawdling, also, in some scenes early on in which the bad guys talk on and on about their big nefarious scheme. But two things, more than anything else, bugged the heck out of me: a) Being a Snake Eyes fan, I wasn't cool with Scarlett and Ripcord doing the flirty flirty, and b) Snake Eyes' mask has friggin' lips! What the --? Speaking of flirting, Duke and the Baroness having a past history is new to me, not that I minded it all that much, and their relationship turns out to be pretty key to the story. But I thought it's always been "Destro and the Baroness practicing the clarinet" (and if you don't get that reference, check out the Funny or Die website for the awesome Ballad of G.I. Joe video clip).
The fighty fights to watch out for are the grudge matches between Snake Eyes and Storm Shadow. There's also a nice bit between Scarlett and the Baroness, and I understand that both the very fine actresses (Rachel Nichols, Sienna Miller) actually suffered injuries while filming the scene. The rest of the action sequences are slick and big and must have cost a ton, but I just couldn't get into them. Just something so soulless and by-the-numbers to them, I think. And the bits with the exterior shots of the Pit (the G.I. Joe headquarters) somewhere in the Egyptian desert? Look very unconvincing.
The actors playing the baddies carry the actors playing the heroes. There's something gleeful in how Christopher Eccleston, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Byung-hun Lee, Sienna Miller (yes, Sienna Miller), and Arnold Vosloo go about fleshing out their villainous parts. Gordon-Levitt gets a chance to chew the scenery a bit as the kookybag who would eventually become the Cobra Commander. In this movie, the Terrordrome is still but a gleam in his rat crazy eyes.
G.I. JOE: THE RISE OF COBRA, at least, isn't as bad as TRANSFORMERS: REVENGE OF THE FALLEN. But, y'know, I wouldn't have minded at all if they'd just taken the soldiers from the TRANSFORMERS flicks and revamped them into the Joes. Tyrese Gibson comes off as a more convincing and gritty elite commando than Marlon Wayans.
I do like the off-handed way the iconic phrases were worked in ("real American heroes," "Knowing is half the battle," etc.). And despite Tatum Channing's weak interpretation, Duke remains my favorite Joe (And then Snake Eyes).
Basically, if you were turned off by that trailer with the armor suits, then think of the film as one big extrapolation of that discontent. I'm glad G.I. Joe finally made it as a live action film, but damn...
Description of G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra
Based on Hasbro?s immensely popular action figures, G.I. Joe is the ultimate elite fighting force, engaged in an extraordinary action-adventure matchup of good versus evil! In G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra, the G.I. Joe team, armed with the coolest hi-tech gadgets and weapons, travels the world from the Egyptian desert to the polar ice caps in a high stakes pursuit of Cobra, an evil international organization threatening to use a technology that could bring the world to its knees.The Rise of Cobra is not your grandfather's G.I. Joe. It's more like C.G.I. Joe with explosive special-effects action sequences that provide the film with a surplus of "Boom Boom Pow" (to quote the Black Eyed Peas song that drives the end credits). This blast from the summer past is very much like the metal-munching nano-mite missiles a (literally) mad Doctor (Joseph Gordon-Levitt cashing in some of his indie cred) and McCullen, a Scottish weapons dealer (Christopher Eccleston), threaten to unleash upon the world. It never stops. Ever. The original G.I. Joe action figure was an all-American hero. These Joes are--all together now--"the best of the best," an elite multi-national squad. Two soldiers, Duke (a buff Channing Tatum), an "on the ground, in the fight" kind of guy, and Ripcord (Marlon Wayans), his wisecracking best friend, are rescued by the Joes after they are ambushed while transporting the missiles. These are no ordinary Joes. Snake-Eyes (Ray Park) is a silent ninja, Stella (Rachel Nichols) a bodacious brainiac, Heavy Duty (Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje) the imposing weapons specialist, and Breaker (Said Taghamaoui) the techie. They are led by gruff Gen. Hawk (Dennis Quaid), who barks out lines like, "When all else fails, we don't," with polish. Duke and Ripcord are recruited to join the classified unit after Duke discovers that Ana (Sienna Miller), his former fiancée, is in cahoots with McCullen and now sports the sinister moniker the Baroness, not to mention killer cleavage-enhancing latex outfits. This being the first in a budding franchise, there is much backstory to cover. Flashbacks date back to 1641! But the order of the day is underground military command centers, underwater evil lairs, gleaming high-tech weaponry, breakneck chases, and cool gadgets, such as a speed-accelerating hydraulic suit. It's enough to make you want to dust off your original Hasbro action figures or, the studio no doubt hopes, buy the new ones. --Donald Liebenson
Stills from G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra (Click for larger image)
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