Eight Crazy Nights (Two-Disc Special Edition)

Eight Crazy Nights (Two-Disc Special Edition)
by Seth Kearsley

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DVD Reviews of Eight Crazy Nights (Two-Disc Special Edition)

DVD Review: The single worst movie I have ever seen.
Summary: 1 Stars

So, what is it that makes this film so horrid? So absolutely terrible? There are a number of things.

1. THE SICK, DISGUSTING FART HUMOR - Alright, so maybe one can tolerate a few fart jokes. Like I mentioned above, I enjoyed the South Park movie, which was loaded with crude humor. Why, then, did I not like 8 Crazy Nights? Maybe, it was because the South Park film had a point. All of the sick humor led up to something. Here, it is just done to try and make those idiot 11 year olds out in the audience smile, but I don't think anyone in our theater smiled and most of the people in the theater were... about 11 years old! It is done to gross out the viewer and then laugh in the viewes's face, proclaiming, "Ha ha! We made you pay 9 bucks for this!"

Does watching deer spewing excrement make you fall off of your chair? What about watching an old guy stick his finger up his hairy rear-end, then proclaiming he put his finger in a "kitty's mouth, but the kitty has no teeth"? Well, if you're one of the... maybe 3 people in the world who does like this so-called "humor", you're in for a treat, because all of this is in there.

2. THE CHEESY AND SO-CALLED "SENTIMENTALITY" - Alright, so I'll bet some are saying, "This movie does have a point! It's a touching story". Maybe that's because you are being tricked into the way that it shoves it's "sentimentality" into your face until you sufficate and die. Yep, it's got a ton of moments that forces the viewer to pluck its own heartstrings and then rip its own heart out and eat it. It's got it all: a boy and his single mother, the love interest, the poor old man all-of-a-sudden and unrealistically saved by the anti-hero gone hero. So many cliches and it is never subtle about a single one. It makes me sick thinking about how much the film tries to manipulate its audience and cover itself up by saying, "It's a Hannukah cartoon", which brings me to my next point...

3. THE WAY IT MARKETS ITSELF AS A "HANNUKAH" FILM - Is Adam Sandler honestly Jewish? Apparently the only thing he seems to know about Judaism is who else in show-biz is Jewish. There is much more to Hannukah than dreidels and menorahs, contrary to what the film believes, yet not enough for Hannukah to be the "Jewish Christmas", as the film believes. Hannukah is, in fact, for those of you who don't know, quite a minor Jewish holiday. If anything, gifts should be given on Rosh Hashanah or Pesach, or Purim, especially. Believe it or not, the only reason gifts are given on Hannukah is because people felt bad for all the little Jewish kids, whose non-Jewish friends were getting all sorts of things.

Now, when I walked into ECN (I'll abbreviate it, now), I was expecting a funny little comedy, something that the Jewish community can finally appreciate, with a sort of Mel Brooks/Woody Allen Jewish type of humor, mixed in with the above-average Sandler fare and some animation. Have I ever been more wrong! (...)P>Never in my life have I, a Jew, ever been so offended by something that was so Jewish, and why? Because it isn't, even though it markets iteself to be just that.

4. THE BLATANT PRODUCT PLACEMENT - Remember how I said about how un-subtle the "sentiment" in the movie is? Believe it or not, there is something that's less subtle than this... the sickening, disgusting and overall blatant product placement. That one musical number made me want to tear out the arms of the theater chair, vomit on them and throw them at the screen in disgust. You've got the Foot Locker ref singing on one side and a Victoria's Secret mannequin on the other, with the logos printed everywhere. I'll bet if the companies knew how bad this film would be, they wouldn't even put their products in it... even if Columbia paid them.

The only good think about this movie, besides its short running time is the third installation of the Hannukah Song. Sadly, this is played during the end credits.

Just writing this review made me think of only some of the terrible things about this movie... it doesn't even deserve the title "movie", something that even clunkers like Scooby Doo have. Nope, Eight Crazy Nights is on its own level of badness, the 10th level of hell in the Dante's Inferno of film.

Please, I beg of you, do not waste your time! You will want your precious money back! Actually, you'd want twice your money, three, five, 1000 times your money back. You'd also want so much time back, that you may want to develop a time machine that can take you back to when you were in the video store, making your selection.

NEVER SEE THIS THING.

NOTE TO PARENTS: Don't ever show Eight Crazy Nights to your children. Actually, ground them if they ever see it once in their entire lives. Not only does the film contain an obsessive amount of crude humor, but it will also make your children lose IQ points. It will make you lose IQ points if you watch it with them. The PG-13 rating looks harmless, but it should really be rated NC-17 for "total stupidity". More stupidity is emitted whenever this movie is shown than the entire universe emits in a millenium. If it wasn't for Big Fish, I'd think monkeys ran Columbia pictures... wait, not monkeys... amoebas.

Okay, maybe it isn't that bad, but it is the hands-down, zero-doubt, single worst movie I have seen and will ever see.

Description of Eight Crazy Nights (Two-Disc Special Edition)