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Conan the Destroyer by Richard Fleischer
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DVD detailsActor: Arnold Schwarzenegger, Grace Jones, Mako, Tracey Walter, Wilt Chamberlain Director: Richard Fleischer Brand: Universal Studios DVD: Region Code 1 Audio: English (Unknown), Dolby Digital 2.0 Mono; English (Subtitled); English (Original Language), Dolby Digital 2.0 Mono; French (Original Language), Dolby Digital 2.0 Mono Format: Closed-captioned, Color, Dolby, DVD, Letterboxed, NTSC, Widescreen Picture Format: 2.35:1 Running Time: 101 minutes DVD Release Date: 1998-03-31 Audience Rating: PG (Parental Guidance Suggested) Studio: Universal Studios
DVD Reviews of Conan the DestroyerDVD Review: There is a streak of talent and imagination in it Summary: 3 Stars
This movie is not without flaws, to put it mildly, the most glaring of them acting and dialogue. I won't spend any adjectives on those, although even there, completely unexpectedly, pop up curious and not unpleasant moments. Take the "How do you think flowers grow?" one-liner or the brief discussion of whether it was Malek's cousin's sister's brother or his brother's sister's cousin who had dug the escape tunnel out of Queen Taramis' Castle that Conan and the crew use as a side entrance. Both could be developed into something genuinely funny and perhaps even psychologically interesting - Malek, for instance, could have been made into more than the fool he officially becomes at the end - if, that is, the rest of the screenplay lived up to it. But these pretty notes immediately disappear among the actors' broken voices dragging their assigned lines like ski in the summer. The general feeling is that everything in the fridge has gone into this mish-mash, and some good stuff also, but neither the creators nor the audiences took notice.
The movie is visually interesting, too, even after all these years. Here I will, and with great pleasure, contradict previous reviewers who condemned the film's special effects as obsolete: puppets are a separate article from CGI and never ever lose their physical charm. You can poke a finger at the silly ape monster that Conan has to fight in Toth-Amon's castle and there will be plastic and rubber, I imagine, whereas as lively as, say, Gollum or the trolls were in "The Lord of the Rings," nobody could for a moment think they were anything but figments, carved out of nothing, akin more to images on the retina than anything remotely real. You might think that movies, fantasy movies especially, needn't have anything real, but the CGI technology has not yet advanced to the point where it can truly fool the eye, and until it does there will be steady pleasure in puppet work. Moreover, puppets are artworks in themselves, of varied quality: I dare anyone to watch Jim Henson's "Labyrinth" or even his weaker "Dark Crystal" and not be amazed, even today, at the characters that populate them. So much for the aging argument.
That is not to say, of course, that Conan's puppets are uniformly impressive. For the most part they are as underdone as the rest of the movie. As someone else has said, the ape monster's face does not move, plus the actor within the costume obviously knew nothing about wrestling. Dagoth could have used additional mobility and he suffers, as does the rest of the picture, from indifferent camera work. With just a few shots from slightly farther away and from the back or from below it squeezing Conan could have become an unforgettable scene, provided this Carlo Rambaldi had taken care to improve on the model. And on it goes: sloppy writing, the root of all evil, extra-sloppy acting, even sloppy costume work. Why are the guardians of the Horn of Dagoth dressed like the members of a local BDSM club?
But lo, there is an imaginative touch here: the guardians have a leader, a wizard, and he orders them about wordlessly by a sharp clanging-together of his bracers. The idea deserves a respectful nod. And the scene develops into a regrettably brief but exciting battle of sorcery as the leader tries to overpower Akiro, who is Conan's enchanter companion. To come back once more to the ape monster, despite the absurdity of it and the strained acting during the whole Crystal Palace chapter that mows down suspension of disbelief as soon as it sprouts, the episode with Thoth-Amon's (but why the name?) castle on the whole manages to inspire. On-again, off-again: the bird of smoke into which Thoth-Amon transforms and its slow flight over the lake, accompanied as they are by Basil Poledouris' quiet track, are impossible to take one's eyes off, but the bird's claws reaching for the princess are unconvincing and we are never shown her actually getting seized.
So it goes: occassional good ideas and talented presentation nearly drowned out by the boring rest and never explained. These highlights are something to watch out for, and everything else you can ignore, so I will now name a few. Shadizar. The giant bones in the desert. Mako as Akiro the Wizard. Sometimes Olivia d'Abo as Princess Jehna. The villagers attacking Zula and their settlement. Toth-Amon's face, gauntlet and cloak. The bird of smoke and the mirror room fight. The wizard competition and the way the two wizards recognize each other. The marble statue of Dagoth, the slime that runs down its face once the horn is in, Dagoth in his monstrous form. You may find others, but probably not many.
Is the movie worth watching, then? It is, although you will cringe a lot. Is it worth buying? I don't know, but, to speak of filthy lucre, Best Buy sells "Conan: The Complete Quest," which includes both movies, for 15 dollars.
More Conan the Destroyer reviews: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9
Description of Conan the DestroyerCONAN THE DESTROYER - DVD Movie The dark, brooding tone of Conan the Barbarian is replaced in this rousing sequel by a lighter, more humorous tone and one of the campiest casts ever assembled. This time, Conan is assigned by a duplicitous queen (Sarah Douglas) to escort a virgin princess (Olivia d'Abo) on a treacherous trek to a crystal palace where they will retrieve a priceless gemstone. Basketball champ and self-described Lothario Wilt Chamberlain plays Bombaata, a warrior sent on a secret mission to kill Conan, and the androgynous Grace Jones plays Zula, a wild woman who becomes Conan's loyal ally. Some consider this sequel a disappointment, but the film makes no apologies for its silliness, and that's the key to its success as gloriously pulpy entertainment. --Jeff Shannon
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