Against the Dark

Against the Dark

Against the Dark
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DVD details

Actor: Jeff Chase, Skye Bennett, Steven Seagal
Brand: SEAGAL,STEVEN
DVD: Region Code 99
Audio: English (Unknown); English (Subtitled); French (Subtitled); English (Original Language); French (Dubbed)
Format: AC-3, Color, Dolby, Dubbed, DVD, NTSC, Subtitled, Widescreen
Picture Format: Anamorphic Widescreen, 1.85:1
Running Time: 94 minutes
DVD Release Date: 2009-02-10
Audience Rating: R (Restricted)
Studio: Sony Pictures Home Entertainment

DVD Reviews of Against the Dark

DVD Review: ...against the pork...
Summary: 1 Stars

Since August is officially Put Down Steven Seagal month, I guess I'll go ahead and do my part. It should be noted that I'm only reviewing AGAINST THE DARK because the priest at my last confession said I have to watch it as penance. I hung out with my shiftless, out of work neighbor Tony who, after 15 minutes of watching this, went out looking for a job.

Creatures who rend flesh and suck blood face off against Steven Seagal, whose films tend to sap your will to live. I figure it's a wash. Nowadays, putting Seagal in a horror film is just being redundant. I was told, perhaps erroneously, that AGAINST THE DARK, a.k.a. LAST NIGHT, actually debuted in Direct-to-Betamax format in participating Bed, Bath & Beyond locales. That's because Tower Records took the easy way out.

This film is established early on as one of those grim post-apocalyptic deals where, in a depressing fizzle of originality, an unstoppable virus had swept across the globe and rendered those infected into blood-ravenous cannibalistic mutant things, part vampire, part zombie. The situation is dire for what's left of humanity. The vampires are everywhere, medication is scarce, food is running out, although, gazing at Seagal's unhaggard physique, dude's probably got a cache of Snickers bars stashed somewhere on that fancy leather duster.

There are two story arcs going down. One arc tracks a group of panicky (yet good looking) people trapped in a hospital, and if these folks were in a Star Trek flick, most of them'd be sporting that red Please-Kill-Me-Now Starfleet uniform. The other plot centers around Steven Seagal's civilian team of vampire hunters (all clad in spiffy black leathers because they're cool like that). These two groups eventually run into each other, and we get a bit of that "Oh, um, hey..." bit of dialogue going on. There's a frantic flight to amscray out of there, what with what's left of the military planning an aerial strike at dawn on the sector encompassing the hospital. And, all along, vampires occasionally pop out of the woodwork and try to snack on our cast. Steven Seagal mutters incoherently, his legs (or stunt legs?) spend lots of camera time trudging thru hallways, and he indulges in a bit of unimpressive sword fighty fight and a hint of aikido. Remembering the bounty of cool he used to produce (MARKED FOR DEATH, HARD TO KILL, UNDER SIEGE, heck, even THE GLIMMER MAN), watching Seagal nowadays is some painful shi...

Somewhere, Jean-Claude Van Damme is wiping his brow and saying, "There, but for the grace of Dieu." Gone are the days when Steven Seagal was an honest-to-criminy exciting action star making bone crunching action movies. The only thing crunching nowadays is when he's biting into a caramel apple. You got tricked again, if you thought this was a Steven Seagal feature. The once lean but now gravy-filled former action star isn't in this film as much as you'd think. And his acting? Again, in lots of scenes, ol' puffy face is simply walking and walking thru hallways. And, honestly, for a guy walking thru hallways, I don't know that he's that believable a character.

The production values? Please. The film's biggest special effects is to make Steven Seagal look mobile. There was one scene of him in slo-mo, and guy exudes such listlessness I half-thought that maybe it was him in real time all along. The budget is so woeful I actually suspect my jobless neighbor Tony of bankrolling the thing. The creature f/x consists basically of splattering red syrup on the vampires' mouth regions. It can't help but go downhill when you also factor in the crapalicious sreenplay, the dreadful pace, the unappealing action sequences, the sluggish scares, and the unabsorbing characters and the no-name cast which plays them (okay, Keith David is in it - or maybe David Keith?).

Horror 101: When surrounded by the stalking undead, never ever split up. Keep a hand near your weapons. In fact, HAVE SOME FRIGGIN' WEAPONS!! When entering a room occupied by a ghoul and a cowering figure with her back turned towards you, don't assume that the cowering figure is some helpless chick (they rarely are). And, one more time, never split up. I'm just sayin'. Having said that, these are some of the wimpiest, easiest to take out bunch of vampires I've seen on cinema.

This DVD also comes with "Fighting the Shadows: Behind the Scenes of AGAINST THE DARK (10 minutes long). If you thought Seagal's face was doughy and damp with meat sweats before, brother, just check him out without the magic of make-up. Steven Seagal, master of aikido, never could fend off the Pizza Hut delivery guy.

But there's a rainbow over the horizon for Steven Seagal. Seems like he's slated to co-star in the upcoming theatrical release MACHETE. That may be his last chance to revive a film career and get the eff out of Bucharest, Romania, which just declared a national food shortage. Thanks, Steven.

I also watched AGAINST THE DARK with my girlfriend, and she broke up with me.
More Against the Dark reviews:
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Description of Against the Dark


Genre: Action/Adventure
Rating: R
Release Date: 10-FEB-2009
Media Type: DVD
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